Interruptions

And The Rhythm Of Life is a powerful beat
Puts a tingle in your fingers and a tingle in your feet
Rhythm in your bedroom
Rhythm in the street
Yes, The Rhythm Of Life is a powerful beat

Indeed.

I wish the rhythm of my life was such that it moved with ease, gently shifting focus from one moment to the next; like the regularity of a heart beating without fluster or breathing that never gives rise to affliction or turbulence. Hushed. Calm. It would be nice, for a time.

The rhythm of life, constant, but not without interruption.

Interruptions that generate happiness and joy are welcomed into our lives. They require little more than a minor adjustment to our day; laughing eyes and smiling faces, hopeful and optimistic, exciting, tingling, reducing stress levels and smoothing away our anxieties. Good news!

Then there’s the temporary blip type of interruption that causes minor upset. A disturbance that annoys us and makes us frown but really no more than that and it has no lasting effect. We can deal with it and normal service resumes quickly enough. Lessons learned and bridges built. Moving on.

Interruptions in 2010 soon blended into a normal pattern, becoming one with the natural rhythm. The now regular journeys to A&E followed by admission and being moved to a ward(s) for a few weeks before returning home again developed into a vicious circle; at first difficult to circumnavigate but soon part of life’s experience. Not without difficulty Dad and I accepted the circumstances, him waiting for something else to happen and me waiting for a phone call; vigilant and over protective as ever.

Looking back there was a certain momentum to this vicious circle and something was always going to stop it from spiralling out of control, something that would help us reassess. We just didn’t know what nor could we have predicted.

It was the fourteenth of December and the death of my brother was sudden. Dad was in hospital at the time.

In that moment the rhythmical beat became powerful, unpredictable and more chaotic. I’d been called to the hospital and had to drive unsure of the route. I had to breathe. Breathing was important. Instinctively I knew I’d be too late. The doctor was waiting and, before he spoke, I couldn’t help but wonder how often he’d done this. He seemed so young. I became silent like in a dream. Cope. Focus. All the time I was thinking about telling Dad … the time, the place, the words, the reaction, the tea and biscuits … playing out in my mind. Weird. I can’t tell him. I don’t have a choice. I need to write a list. What about his children. Breathe.

Such interruptions are hard hitting with a painful and longer lasting impact. We all experience them. They more than disturb our natural rhythm, they shatter it and we struggle to harness the turmoil and its perceived permanency can drown us. In the blink of an eye, our composure is threatened and our understanding of the world around us no longer makes sense. We’re stopped in our tracks. We look inside ourselves, reviewing, remembering conversations and obsessively putting motivations and previous judgements under a microscope. We search for answers to questions that have no answers.

But the rhythm of life is a powerful beat.

I underestimated the resilience of my Dad. Yesterday he was 82 and celebrated with candles and cake, surprises and smiles, new friends and blessings. A welcomed interruption and another story to tell.

And The Rhythm Of Life is a powerful beat
Puts a tingle in your fingers and a tingle in your feet
Rhythm in your bedroom
Rhythm in the street
Yes, The Rhythm Of Life is a powerful beat

Sums up my brother perfectly I think!