listening … that’s all

Nobody shall sleep!…
Nobody shall sleep!
Even you, o Princess,
in your cold room,
watch the stars,
that tremble with love and with hope.

Nessun Dorma (translation)

Dad was sitting watching tv in the communal sitting room.  The place was quiet and around him were three people in big chairs; uncommunicative.  I couldn’t help compare the scene to the cheery BUPA ad running at the moment showing a man with his chickens. In truth, incomparable and from another world.

Person-centred care for the older adult: real, true, happening, sustainable  OR  unrealistic, lukewarm, overly demanding and, quite frankly, just too hard?

What are we doing?  Answers on a postcard please.

After dinner in the evening is a sleepy time perhaps.  But, as another carer pointed out recently, it seems that ‘life’ about the place is always dependent on who is on duty and tonight was no exception, sadly.  If this had been my first impression I wouldn’t have found it easy viewing.  As it happens, it’s not my overall experience, and for that I’m thankful.  A glitch in the system.

He saw me coming in.  Instantly I knew he wasn’t happy; with me, with people around him, with life in general.  I felt that familiar knot in my stomach.  A million thoughts and feelings all gathered up and bundled together but kept in check.  Big deep breath trying to calculate in an instant how to be but there’s no knowing how to be; no prescription, no script.  Just instinct mixed in with kindness, compassion, love.  Being prepared to be with someone knowing they will never fully understand the energy, sacrifice, commitment and resilience that keeps it all going.  Enough?  It’s all there is.

Fortunately, the single nougat with vanilla ice-cream from Equis proved to be the catalyst for a smile and a magnet for attracting others.  People gathered around us, laughing and joking and saying they were jealous.

Life.

Dad wanted his pyjamas on and in the next hour or so we talked; calmly and gently.

Stuff in his head and scary thoughts that don’t make sense

Confusion

Forgetfulness

A visit from the doctor, a psychiatrist you know

Disappointment

Annoyance

Happiness

Classical music

David

Space the final frontier

Broderick Crawford and a new list for Amazon

Cookie the dog’s healthy eating plan

Shopping at the weekend

He’d missed me and all he needed was to talk and for someone to listen.  About him.  About life and it’s goings on and the things that matter.  Someone who shared some of his memories, someone to help ground and root him to the present and someone not afraid to talk about a future.  That’s all.

I left him happier watching Russell Watson in Concert at the Royal Albert Hall (again) … the sound of Nessun Dorma making its way swiftly down the corridor.

That’ll wake them all up!